Minutes
by PenguinsPenguinsPenguins
Summary: A 3 part what if that takes place after 3x24. Warning: character death.
1. Chapter 1

Ok so I posted this as a one shot a very long time ago but have since added to it and decided to re-upload it.

***Disclaimer* Do not own Castle. Sadly. **

I promise I will update Nightmares and We'll Meet Again this weekend!

Warning: character death.

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_Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak  
You're still an inspiration  
Can it be that you are mine forever love  
And you are watching over me from up above _

**A Few More Minutes **

Today, just like every other day, Rick sits in the grass slowly running his fingers over her name on the cold stone. He brought her flowers today, he just needed to talk to her, to feel like she was near again, and this was the only place he could do that now. "Not a day goes by I don't think of you Kate. I always ask myself if this would have even happened if I hadn't brought up your mothers case or if I never came into your life in the first place. He finally let out the tears he had been trying so hard to hold back as he thought back to the day he lost her in that same graveyard.

_He stands next to her listening to her give the eulogy speech, knowing she was still angry with him, that she may never forgive him. Rick glances towards her in time to see her look back at him as she says, "and if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you." Maybe there was hope for them after all. _

_Looking back out over the crowd, he noticed a small gleam of light from behind a tombstone. Hearing the gunshot he charges towards her screaming "Kate!" and grabs her, effectively tackling her to the ground. He thinks he reached her in time until he leans up and looks down at her, the front of her uniform covered in blood. "Stay with me. Please, Kate don't leave me. Please, stay with me" he begs seeing the life fade from her. Just as her eyes slowly close he whispers "I love you Kate, I love you." _

The feel of someone's hand on his shoulder breaks him from his trance. "I thought I would find you here kiddo." He doesn't say a word, just keeps silently staring at her headstone. She tries again, "Richard…"

"It's my fault. She's dead and it's all my fault."

"Don't say that Richard."

"It's the truth. If I had convinced her to let her mother's case go, if I had never brought the case back up in the first place, or if I had never followed her around this wouldn't have happened. She would still be here. None of this would have happened."

Martha didn't know what to say, she had never seen her son in this much pain before. She took a seat in the grass next to him and grabbed his hand, giving it a light squeeze. They sat in silence for several minutes before he spoke again, "Four months mother. It's been four months and they still don't have a single lead. I've come here every day for four months and promised her that we would find who was behind this. I've let her down."

"Listen to me. Ryan and Esposito will find the person that murdered her. They won't give up until he's behind bars where he belongs. She also knows how much you love her and that you would never let her down."

"I can't do it anymore mother. Everything reminds me of her. I pray every morning that I wake up that all of this has just been some terrible nightmare. I sit and listen for my phone to ring, hoping that she will call, even though I know it won't happen…that it can't happen. She's just gone."

"No matter how bad it seems right now, I promise you it will get better," she patted his leg forcing a small smile.

"You think so?" he asks tears still falling.

"I know so. Now, what do you say we go home?"

Soon he will go home, pour himself some scotch, and try to forget, if only for a minute, that she's not here with him anymore. He'll try to forget that tomorrow he won't be going into the 12th carrying her grande skim latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla, that the one time he told her he loved her was the only time he would ever get to, that he will never be able to hold her or kiss her, and that no matter what anyone tells him, he will always blame himself.

He looks back at the flowers he laid on her grave, "I just need a few more minutes."

_As my heart holds you  
Just one beat away  
I cherish all you gave me everyday  
Cause you are my forever love  
Watching me from up above_

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Reviews? :) Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

I update We'll Meet Again as promised and should be updating Nightmares later tonight or tomorrow. :) Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed.

This chapter is a flashback.

***Disclaimer* I don't own Castle. **

Apparently this chapter was giving chapter not found or something so let me know again if there is any more issues. Thanks!

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**Chapter 2 **

Rick didn't cry when they told him he couldn't ride in the ambulance with her. The entire ride to the hospital he stared out the window silently hoping and praying she would be okay. He swore to himself there would be no more time wasted, no more tiptoeing around their feelings, it was out there now, he loved her. She had to be okay.

He didn't cry when they got to the hospital as he watched Lanie giving her chest compressions begging her to stay with them. He took a seat away from everyone and stared at the blood on his hands and clothes, Kate's blood. _I should have never convinced her to look into her mother's case again. _

He didn't fight back when Josh attacked him in the waiting room, screaming, "You did this! This is your fault! You pushed her to look into her mother's murder! She was shot because of you and Montgomery is dead because of you!" He didn't say anything when Ryan and Esposito pulled Josh off of him, instead he just sauntered back to his chair in the corner. _He doesn't think I already know this is my fault? They should let him get it out of his system, I deserve worse than he could give me. It should be me in there, not her. _

He didn't cry when he told Martha that Josh was right, it was his fault, or when she put her arm around him to console him, telling him that he wasn't to blame because he wasn't the one that shot her. All he could manage to say was, "No, but I put her in the crosshairs. I told her how I felt. I told her I loved her," before he left her side to sit alone again.

He didn't cry in the waiting room when the doctors wouldn't tell him anything. _What do they mean they can only talk to family? I'm her partner. _

He didn't cry when he saw Jim Beckett fall to his knees crying, pleading, and screaming that his daughter couldn't be gone or when Lanie grabbed Esposito and Ryan for comfort as they all cried together. _She can't be dead, she just can't be. This has to be a terrible nightmare. _

Rick didn't cry as he changed clothes and tried his best to scrub her blood off his hands. He sat on the cold bathroom floor for hours that night cradling his blood stained shirt, praying for her to come back to him, praying to wake from this horrible nightmare.

He didn't cry as they lowered her casket into the ground or when Jim Beckett stood to give the eulogy. He watched unblinking as they filled the hole with dirt and person after person left the gravesite. _I can't believe you're really gone Kate. I swear I'll find whoever did this and make them pay, I swear Kate. I love you so much. _

He could hear the whispers at the Beckett house after her funeral, as he sat alone on the staircase. He heard everyone talking about how he hadn't said a word or come out of the loft since it happened. _She doesn't get to say anything anymore, why should I?_

Shock. Everyone said he was just in shock, that he needed to talk to someone. He hadn't been out of bed since her funeral. _They're right, _he thought as he looked at her picture that sat on his bedside table, _I do need to talk to someone. I need to talk to you Kate. _

He decided to drive to the one place he could feel closest to her, the precinct. It was a Saturday, no one would be there, he could be alone with her and his thoughts. He didn't cry when he walked into the precinct and got on the elevator or when it reached the floor he knew he would no longer be going to every morning. He stepped off the elevator and took a deep breath before making his way to her desk, clutching her picture tighter in his hand.

He froze momentarily when he saw it, his breath catching in his chest. He fell back in the chair he used to sit in to watch her work and brought his hands to his face. Everything he had held back for days finally broke free as he began sobbing uncontrollably. Richard Castle fell apart when he saw the cup of coffee, the silent declaration of his love towards her, her reason for smiling every morning, still sitting on her desk.

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So? Reviews? Would you all like another chapter? Merry Christmas! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Final chapter! It's shorter than the others.

Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed, favorited, and followed! :)

I will probably update Nightmares late tonight/tomorrow & I'm also working on a new story that I'll upload in the next couple of days! :)

***Disclaimer* I do not own Castle.**

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**Chapter 3 **

He spends the entire next day in bed clutching her picture close to his heart. Martha came by a few times to check on him throughout the day. She tried to get him to eat something, tried to convince him to get some sleep, and even suggested he try writing, it used to always make him feel better. _How can I write about Nikki Heat when Kate was the whole inspiration behind her? _Nothing worked. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts and memories.

He lay there awake pretending it was her instead of just a picture he was holding, pretending he could hear her heartbeat instead of the deafening silence that surrounded him. He sighed and lifted the picture to look at it one more time before placing it on the shirt he now kept on the bed next to him. His red t-shirt, the shirt that she wore the night her apartment blew up and she stayed at the loft with him. It didn't smell like her anymore but somehow it still brought him comfort. He laid his hand across the shirt and picture, closed his eyes, and decided to try to get some sleep.

**KBRCKBRC47KBRCKBRC**

_"Rick…Rick." _

_"Hmm?" _

_"Rick, wake up." _

_He blinked slowly trying to focus, "Kate…you can't be here. You…you're…" _

_"Dead?" She smiled, that special smile she reserved only for him. "You're dreaming Rick." _

_"Oh," his face fell, "I miss you so much Kate. I don't know how much longer I can take this." _

_"I know. You'll be okay though. I promise." _

_"I won't Kate. I love you, I can't do this without you. I don't want to." _

_"I know you love me. I heard you," she smiled again, "I love you too." _

_"You do?" He smiled for the first time in a week. _

_"Of course I do. I always will. It wasn't your fault Rick." _

_"Kate I..." _

_"No," she said gently, "it wasn't your fault." _

_"It was," he started crying, "I couldn't save you." _

_"You have to stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your place to save me." _

_"No. I shouldn't have brought up your mom's case again..." _

_"Stop. It wasn't your fault, okay?" _

_He looked up her and nodded, slowly wiping away his stray tears. _

_"I have to go now Rick." _

_"No! Please don't go. Stay with me, just a few more minutes, please." _

_"I can't. I'm sorry," she walked over to him, brushed her lips gently across his, and put her hand on his heart, "I'll be right here with you. Always." _

He woke with a start and looked around frantically for her. _It was just a dream. _He fell back into his pillows and picked up her picture. Pressing a kiss to it softly he whispers, "Thank you Kate."

Deciding he should try writing after all he rolled out of bed and made his way to his office. He pulled opened his laptop, closed all of the Nikki Heat files that were still open, and opened a blank document.

_For Kate, my one and done. _

_From the moment we met, my world was turned upset down.  
I know I drove you crazy at first, but I also know you secretly loved it.  
All it took was just one smile from you for me to fall in love.  
Your laugh made my heart skip a beat.  
Your smile could light up the darkest room. _

_Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.  
All I have left of you now is memories and pictures.  
I didn't know it was possible to hurt this much Kate.  
I miss your smile. I miss your laugh.  
My heart breaks with every beat without you. _

_I know now that I'll be okay one day.  
You are the love of my life. My heart.  
My always.  
I love you._

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_Reviews? :) _

_Thanks for reading! _


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